Grandma Mae

In the midst of the birthday parties, we also gathered on June 3 to celebrate the memory of my Grandma, Valera Mae Marshall, (Dec. 1, 1920 - March 15, 2007).


I remember...

- Grandma's gardens -- especially her hill full of flowers in Yreka and the hours she joyfully spent digging. (Could I inherit some of this please?) Come to think of it, some of my fondest childhood memories are of my mom digging in her flowers - tan in her tank top.

- learning to paint. she always made me feel like I could learn to do it well... a beautiful skill in a teacher.

- that she owned the toolbox in her family (like me!) and that she felt comfortable tearing down a wall. I love that I inherited this.

- meatloaf. all the meals she cooked for us. one of her many ways of caring for us. When Gary and I were at the cabin for a year, it was so important to her to have us over for dinner and feed us. She made green beans, mashed potatoes and pears & cottage cheese. She made sure to send us home with packets of instant mashed potatoes in case we needed them...

- her bengay and how she always recommended I try it for any sore muscles.

- gin rummy. learning poker when I was 8 or so and using the skills to beat the high school boys. Then playing with my cousins using matches for chips and burning a hole in my parents carpet.

- raising her little fists with a grin (usually aimed at my Dad).

- her quick wit even at the end.

- her one-armed sweaters.

- showing her my engagement ring outside her house in Yreka.

- all her animals. her love for every one. how she would tell the story of holding each of them as they passed on. her care for them in those moments. the way she looked in their eyes, comforted them and stroked them.

- her last words to me (the last time I saw her) -- "the Lord be with you"

- her last words to me (the last time on the phone) -- "I love you too, Sugar... I can't wait to see you." Her voice was so clear and beautiful this day a week before she died. It made my heart jump, my eyes tear up and gave me some peace.

- our year of healing in the woods and Grandma's part in this. Our "Church of Mae Marshall" every Sunday afternoon.

- her endless encouragement. "I'm so proud of you." "You know who to thank for that, don't you?" "Just close your eyes and talk to him. Any time during the day, just talk to him and thank him and ask him to guide you." "I pray for you and Gary every night. I pray for all of my children and grandchildren."

- when she told me, "Usually when I pray I get a picture about you... This time when I prayed for you and Gary all I saw was a blank slate. I've turned you over to God."

- my overwhelming feeling of thankfulness and tears when I hugged her and left in the U-Haul headed back south after our year at the cabin.

- her head leaned to my pregnant belly kissing Flannery and praying for her. I'll never forget this beautiful moment sitting with her on my couch in Santa Barbara the weekend of my shower.

- there are a million other things.

Thank you, Grandma.

I miss you. But thank you for still being with me. There's not a hole when I think of you but a very full spot with your love and memories in my heart.

For my daughter, Flannery Mae, who has your name, I pray that she gets your spirit, your faith and your strength.

I love you.
Anne